Steaz

The Pooj asks, "Red pill or blue pill?"

(TJ Maxx, January 2011)

The general consensus amongst online root beer critics is that Steaz Root Beer is a train wreck, so the fact that I bought one anyway fully knowing that – and considering that I found it in the random-items bin at a discount store, which most likely means it was broken down for individual sale from a multi-pack that failed to sell because one bottle was missing, which I’m pretty sure I saw at the very same discount store several weekends earlier – means I’m either completely daft or committed to being your root beer guinea pig. I choose to think it’s the latter, but by all other accounts, it’s probably actually the former (especially when you consider the whole “several weeks earlier” part of that last sentence)… I am, if nothing else, committed to the cause of root beer, and this level of commitment towards anything causes men to do stupid things, so consider this me taking a proverbial root beer bullet for you.

In truth, Steaz really isn’t that bad. But that does not mean it’s any good either. Root beer flavor is completely absent, and the tea flavor (green or otherwise) is only slightly in the aftertaste. The taste actually reminds me of something between dried dates, dried longan (a small tree-based fruit, not unlike a lychee), and Pei Pa Koa (a Chinese herbal cough/sore throat syrup made from loquats). Steaz uses organic cane sugar, which does come through since it does taste a little like sugar cane. In keeping with its healthy credo, it’s also packed full of vitamins and antioxidants: 833% of my daily B12, 500% of my daily B6, 100% folic acid, and 20% vitamin C – it’s also only 75 calories a bottle, easily less than half what you would normally find in an unhealthy soda.

Now I like tea a lot and I like root beer a lot, but I still don’t want them mixed together. You’d think I’d find this an abomination of a drink. Well, I didn’t hate it, but I certainly didn’t like it either, and I certainly wouldn’t buy it again for any good reason – that gets you a 1.5.