Judge Wapner

The Pooj tries to get a better look.

(Rocket Fizz Valencia, October 2010)

In an age when every minor celebrity has their own fragrance line (because we really, really want to smell like Kim Kardashian), Judge Joseph Wapner, original arbitrator of The People’s Court, bucks the trend by lending his name instead to root beer. While I certainly can’t tell you not to use it as perfume (to each his own), I certainly can tell you it works better as a beverage (well, also to each his own).

The beverage in question, however, shouldn’t be called root beer in my judgment. Molasses and cane sugar overrule any discernible wintergreen or anise – little evidence to support the herb-y flavor I prefer. It’s tasty, but again, not root-y enough to sustain the "root beer" title in my estimation – since I gave Gale’s, a much better drink as a whole, a lower score for this very reason, I have to follow precedent and do the same here. Judge Wapner’s verdict: 2.