Teddy's

"It comes in pints...?"

(Big Lots, July 2010)

Teddy’s Root Beer has been somewhat elusive to me – I first saw Teddy’s Root Beer at a party a couple years ago, and because I didn’t actually get to try it at said party, I’ve been trying to find out where it was sold since then without much success (albeit, I wasn’t looking very hard…). At long last, I discovered it at a Big Lots while looking for ice cube trays – a somewhat auspicious day, as root beers come, since you’ll recall that’s the same day I found the Santa Cruz Organic – which of course may actually make it slightly less auspicious, seeing as the Santa Cruz Organic didn’t turn out to be very good, and even less auspicious when you factor in the failure to find ice cube trays. In any case, I did happen across the Teddy’s that day, and happened across what appeared to be the last bottle of it – the bull moose* almost eluding me once again – but the key word here is almost, since I made like a Dakota cowboy and wrangled it home. Still, given that the previous bargain store root beer purchase was rough riding, I had my doubts about this one…

I am pleased to report, however, that Teddy’s is no nature faker. The taste is similar to that of an old fashioned root beer like Dad’s, earthy and herby, with a pleasant sweetness that doesn’t hit the herb-iness with a big stick. Fortunately, the aftertaste is not bitter like Dad’s, but rather speaks softly of licorice. There is a slightly empty flavor that’s inherent in using HFCS – real sugar generally has a deeper, richer flavor (Sprecher compensates by adding honey for the depth of flavor) – but I’m no mugwump when it comes to HFCS, so I don’t really mind. Actually, were I to postulate on what old fashioned root beer candies are supposed to taste like, I would postulate that they are supposed to taste like Teddy’s Root Beer!

Yet I’m having a hard time squaring the deal on what rating to give Teddy’s – since I liked Teddy’s enough to certainly buy more in the future, I’m inclined to give it a 4. If a 3 is just above mass market brand names (amongst which I would give Mug a 1-ish, A&W a 3-minus, and Barq’s a slightly higher 3-minus as my preferred mass-market brand name**), then Teddy’s is definitely better than a 3.5. Having said that though, it’s not as good as Sprecher, which I also gave a 4. For clarity’s sake, I’m not going to go down to quarter-points and give it a 3.75, so thus Teddy’s gets a 4 – a low 4, but a 4 nonetheless.

* Based on the artist’s rendering on the label, I’m assuming the “Teddy” in Teddy’s is none other than our 26th President, Theodore Roosevelt. And we all know what assuming does: it makes me drop obscure historical references in everything written from here on out.

** These mass-market brand name rankings actually hint towards my root beer flavor preferences, and thus my biases as far as my rating goes. Since I don’t like Mug, one can surmise I don’t like my root beer too sweet. While I think A&W is quite tasty and quite smooth, if I had to choose between A&W and Barq’s, I would choose Barq’s, indicating that I like having a little “bite,” as they call it. That is, I prefer a slightly sharper flavor to my root beers – not to the point of bitterness or tree bark, but definitely more on the herby side. You can take this into account when evaluating my tastes/ratings compared to yours. Basically, if I’d rather have a Barq’s over the root beer being rated, it gets a 1 or 2, depending on how much I didn’t like it. If I’d rather have the root beer being rated instead of a Barq’s, but am not likely to seek it out again in the future, it gets a 3. If I do plan on seeking it out again, it gets a 4. If I plan on seeking it out in large quantities, it gets a 5.