Monday, November 1, 2010

Pearson Bros.

The Pooj gears up for the game.
(Rocket Fizz, July 2010)

Pearson Bros. of San Francisco represents two things I love – root beer and San Francisco. Ah, how lovely it would be to be by the bay right now, sipping a root beer, hot chowder from a sourdough bowl warming me against the brisk autumn ocean breeze… That alone should make this a shoo-in to at least be the official beverage of some fall pigskin action, yes?

Unfortunately though, the SF root beer parallels this season’s SF 49ers just a little too closely: good in theory, but lacking in practice. The initial flavor is actually pretty good: a nice balance of root-to-sweet, with a nice aftertaste that’s neither too herby or too sugary (or HFCS-y in this case) – much like the Niners’ preseason, it promised much. But also much like the Niners’ regular season, Pearson Bros. is weak when it counts – it tastes thin, almost watered down. Certainly it’s not all bad – Frank Gore is consistently one of my highest scoring fantasy-players week to week, and in following, Pearson Bros. is, in fact, tasty. It’s just that there’s no follow through – most of the Niners’ losses thus far have been by less than a touchdown, meaning that one bad drive per game has been the difference between 2-6 and 6-2. Again, in following, Pearson Bros.’ flavor is just not strong enough, not rich enough to Go. All. The. Way. What we have here is a classic case of lots of clock spent running from sideline to sideline in the backfield, juking defensive linemen left and right while looking for a lane, but getting leveled by a linebacker for no gain upon crossing the line of scrimmage.

Average, net-zero, plain and simple: that gets a 2.5, which is sadly still more than the number of wins my Niners have heading into bye week…

And lest you think this loyalty extends to baseball -- think again. Giants suck! Go Rangers!

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