Pseudo-SCIENCE: Root Beer Substitute for the Non-Soda Inclined, Halloween Edition

(October 2012)

Ah, Halloween, the gateway holiday to the fall overeating season. While we did not expect to have any trick-or-treaters this year, hence no need to purchase copious amounts of candy, hence no copious amounts of leftover candy, I’m getting my fair share of excessive cavity fuel at the office. Of course, we all know my preferred cavity fuel is generally in liquid form, the All Hallows rigmarole does offer more opportunity to discover solid interpretations than do other times of the year.

Well, maybe not. Root beer flavored treats aren’t exactly going to overtake Snickers bars or M&Ms anytime soon as door-to-door must-haves, so I’ll take them whenever I can get them.

Except for Root Beer Dum-Dums…

The Pooj is speechless – speechless.

The wrapper says root beer, and the sucker itself is even relatively root beer colored, but that’s essentially where any comparability ends.

See.

It smells slightly cinnamon-y and slightly cherry-ish, and tastes generically sweet, like one of those spherical hard candies you get at some restaurants in lieu of mints. Any supposedly root beer flavoring simply comes off as medicinal.

No big loss though – there are still plenty of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the office candy bowl…